Boxes
by SomewhereBeyondReality
Summary: '"It was a good idea of Lorelai's: packing away the memories of your old boyfriend, but she's accepted that his lid will never close completely."  Rory reflects on the boys of her life and their boxes. Lit!   First in 'The World of Rory's Head' series.


**Another explore into what's been christened **_**The World of Rory's Head **_**series. Chronologically this 'observation' takes place before the other two but only because of the reference in the last line.**

**X-X**

There are three boxes in Rory's room in Stars Hollow. (Though it feels like she carries them everywhere).

It was a good idea of Lorelai's: packing away the memories of your old boyfriend in order to move on. Almost trying to be male and compartmentalize.

But, occasionally – when she's feeling sentimental and the campaign trail gives her time to pause – she takes out the boxes in her mind, goes through their contents and then returns to reality.

She guesses the boxes represent the three of _them._

Her Dean box is faded and worn now.

It holds remnants of her high school years: a home-made ball dress, cuddly chicken, a packet of cornstarch and (most significantly) a hand-carved bracelet. Sweet maybe but nothing she's attached to.

She feels like her old car's stashed in there too: practical, dependable and the result of hours of care. A thoughtful and useful gift she was grateful for.

But not something that (truly) touched her or resonated inside her soul.

Her Logan box is gleaming and polished.

It's not a normal cardboard deal but a super-sized jewellery box with italicised _Rory _stamped across it.

The box itself was gift from him but sometimes her mental eyes ache looking at it._ (That belongs to me?_)

The contents are equally excessive: a Life and Death Brigade gown, necklace from the Vineyard, the Daily News edition he saved and of course the rocket.

The Birkin Bag is also stuffed in there. She knows it's a real society symbol but honestly...the significance is lost on her.

Yes it's nice and flashy and fun but she doesn't _get _all it stood for. She doesn't belong in its world of money and etiquette: she never did.

Rory can see the similarities between Dean's bracelet and Logan's rocket though. Both were intended to carry deep messages: that Dean cared for her and Logan would wait. But in the end Dean couldn't hold on and Logan couldn't wait. The gifts were just trinkets.

Her Jess box is the smallest of the three.

It's only a battered wooden structure that Luke made for her twelfth birthday. Lorelai doesn't even know about it: she knows her Mom likes to think he wasn't worth one.

The lack of content supports this: a few books (Howl and The Fountainhead– both covered in margin notes), CDs (two _Clash _ones – with different versions of Guns and Brixton on them) and movies (High Fidelity and Saturday Night Fever).

It doesn't escape her notice that everything's paired.

It's a shock to realize how _little _Jess left behind: everything in the box belonged to her originally.

He never gave her anything physical to remember him by. That makes it harder because (unlike Dean and Logan whose gifts could be parcelled away) nothing he left can be shut in a box.

She can't throw out her whole book collection because she'll be damned if she sacrifices reading for _him. (_It was part of her life before he was)_._

She can't stash away every CD she owns because how can you cut music from your life? (And Lane would kill her).

She can't destroy movies because media and entertainment is everywhere. (Especially living with Lorelai).

And how do you get rid of video shop pranks, shattered snowmen, town bridges, five buck kisses and ice cream in cones?

So she put in a few token attempts at closure and accepted that his lid would never close completely.

She's spent recent years moving _The Subsect _in and out of his box, unable to decide where it should stay.

When he gave it to her, one of her first thoughts was that at last he was acting like a normal boyfriend (albeit an ex one) and giving gifts to prove his affection. ("_I couldn't have done it without you). _

Does she want to shut it away and finally have something _solid _to pin Jess down with? The offer of closure is tempting, especially considering their last meeting.

But on the other hand the Subsect is still so _different _from anything else she's been given.

It's not just an object but a culmination of Jess's journey. Like holding his soul in her hands.

How could a car or bag compare to that? Some people like practical or expensive gifts but for Rory bearing your soul through books is incomparable to everything else.

She could never contain that passion.

(She could never contain him).

And right now – standing on Truncheon's tarnished door, knuckles raised – she no longer wants to.

**X-X**

**Amy got paid to write this stuff – I as a lowly fanfiction-ist do it for free. However you can make a charitable donation in the form of REVIEWS! **


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